I’m supposed to be APUS outlining. As said, that’s my excuse for everything, isn’t it. I haven’t updated in a while, because it’s all basically been the same monotonous cycle. Wahoo.
I did pretty well for my tennis season, something-2. Yeah. I should have had an undefeated season, but I’m an idiot and I didn’t. I’m good at making excuses.
Lately I’ve been trying to find out the meaning to life, and I haven’t really come up with anything. It’s fun, though. It’s a time-waster! (Not as bad as the internet) But like seriously. The quote that Mr. Reckage gave us basically describes the opposite of my life: “Don’t give me the problem; give me the solution.” Pure gold. I’m one of the people who likes to present a problem and let other people solve it. Often very very very productive, but I soooo don’t solve problems for myself. Yeah well your mom. Get over it. I like complaining.
There has a been a person in my life~~~KevinLiofthe8th!!! I’m so not romantically involved. It’s one of those obsession things. So yes, I was hypocritical to Ben when he asked me whether I had ever experienced being obsessed with someone like he is with Horace. I can relate to Ben, surprisingly, which makes me kind of scared for myself.
No srsly though. Kevin Li is sooo sweet and cute and sarcastic and…everything that KevHsu is, just younger and with a better face. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…I would never want to be in his grade, though; I’d seem so out of place and I’d probably be made fun of for thinking he’s so cute. xD He’s so nice that I can’t stand it. He’s good at drawing, too. Some days I just want to give him a big hug because he’s just that cute. fweee! The good thing is, I don’t scare him! So basically xanga has degraded into a facebook for him and me to correspond with each other. Until I found out that he had added my screenname to his aim. Awww whatacutiepie. lawl.
But no, despite everything that I think of him, I am not romantically involved. I don’t really care about age; that’s not a factor (lawl trom! xD), just that…yeah. He’s not the kind of guy I’d like-like. Yanno. Or maybe not. Hormonal tendencies? I think it’s just my fangirl-asms kicking in. I’m not Kathy Chou, no offense intended.
I like how I use “no offense” where I actually mean “no offense,” and then other people go all “oh, I hate people who use “no offense” because it IS offensive.” Gay. My interpretation of the phrase is you need to say it to prove a point, but you don’t want to hurt the person about whom you’re talking. GAY MORE. How the hell are you supposed to prove that kind of point without someone getting hurt? It happens all the time. DEAL WITH IT. GAYYY. With three Ys.
Yeah Chloe’s forum is pretty cracktastic and addicting. I can’t do anything anymore without checking a. xanga, b. facebook, c. holmdelforums, d. wonderfuldays. Dumb. Wastes like, twenty minutes of my life. So does downloading music and typing up blogs. See now.
I think I either a. care too much about my self-image or b. care too much about other people. I could just like…not get annoyed when people do stupid stuff because a. I have to go fix it, or b. they’re making themselves looking stupid, but I do it anyway. Then I pretend to be annoyed so that it gives a false impression inside where I’m actually not being annoyed, which makes me annoyed anyway. Good hypocritical stuff. *thumbs up* Not really hypocritical; just ironical. Yeah good job with that.
The good news is, in like, two weeks, the basketball season is going to start! This means that all the winter track people are going to come together and there’s going to be more drama’09! Y31!!! I actually do quite like this drama that our azngrade goes through. It’s actually quite funny, including the stuff that I was in last year (I must admit). It gives time for self-reflection, and, more importantly, the chance to say some shit about other people which I feel guilty for doing, but I do it anyway because I’m such a bitch according to other people. No, not really. I try not to shitout other people because it makes me feel bad. Instead, I just listen to shittingin. Good stuff. I learn crap that I’m better off not listening to which further wastes my time. JOY! I love wasting time. I really do.
Mom and Dad say that lately, I’ve been turning more and more into Rose in the way that I approach problems/my logic patterns have been changing. I think my study habits now mirror Rose, just that I suck at school Yeah gjlisa. SUCKZ0RS. I’ve been seeing myself become increasingly sarcastic, cracking dirty jokes (or at least homosexual jokes), hanging out with basically only guys (minus bri and tamsh and occasionally kavo), and uh…etc.
I think I feel way too self-concious because I tend to look at a situation from a third person point of view (mom’s words). Sitting in the commons, I observe our azngrade and twitch slightly. I twitch even more when it turns out that the only people I (voluntarily) talk to are Horace, Ritchie, KevHsu, Sam (more often than not playing chess, so he doesn’t count), Greg (because he makes us talk to him, however subtly), and Tamsh (in the azngrade. Right, Ben is azn; Ben.). That’s saying something about the amount of guys with whom I hang out. YOUR MOM. Sometimes I wonder whether nonazn people think that I’m a ho; more likely, whether azn people think that I’m a ho. Probably not, but the possibility is always there.
Kris Lee is such a cool kid. Seriously. He notices our SIGNIFICANT AZN CLIQUES. =00 And how the azngrade’09 separates in the 600s hallway in the morning to right and left, one side being the girls and Howie, the other side being the guys and I. Ooh, good grammar. Nice. Yeah, but like, yeah. Stuff. Sure, KathyT and Tamsh come over to our side, too, but…more often than not they’re not there. Good stuff, I guess. not really. Haha Artem.
Italian has to be one of my favorite classes, because, well, there are no azns. Like I appreciate all my azn friends (since that’s basically all I have, as well as Bri and Kavo), but like, their humor is so inventive. My Italian class finds a way to make fun of every single person in the class (however, usually Sga. Malolepszy) and make it funny. Definite kudos. Maria, MG, and I are in that class. That’s how cool it is. Haha. Rob Palermo + Me = ftw = Italian + McDonald back-to-back sitting next to each other. You know what that means, haha. xD Plus all the gay jokes that are cracked about him make it even funnier.
Yeah I could never hang out in white society as it stands now, and I know this. I don’t have the superficial things like a Coach/LV/Gucci/Prada day-purse/tote/whatever, Uggs, makeup caked on my face, curled hair, expensive clothes, loud laughs, LoLLuviLuVaLLofUbcUzuRmaiLyFe!!! LmAoLmAo typespeak, boyfriends, addicted to “hiphop”/”rock”, I don’t hang around on their side of the commons. But do I want to be?
The answer is no, and it will always be no. I will be artsy for the rest of my life ftw. However I appreciate the certain good-natured humor and the mutual appreciation between us that isn’t recognized among most of the azngrade (coughStephHuang. Don’t try too hard; be who you are). I’d recommend the rest of our azn grade to do such a thing. It’s not how hard you try to be cool, how messily you tie your hair, how expensive your purse is, how low-cut your shirt is, how sluttily you dress for Halloween, how skinny you are, how loud you laugh, how low your pants are, what kind of underpants you wear, how you type, how many times you curl your hair, where you stand in the Commons, what kind of slutty music you listen to, how much eyeliner/mascara you have on, how much guys hang over you, but how true you speak. Your humor is what is appreciated most in this world. We all really need some different kinds of humor out there, instead of just “damn that ass is hot,” to “damn that azn ass is hot,” because aren’t they essentially just the same thing?
Is there really a difference between our grade and our azngrade?
Of course there is, and that is the fear to express ourselves. I know I’m not one to speak, because I’m an idiot, but our whole grade lives on this segregating feel of racism, and it’s not just “because we live in Holmdel.” It’s because all of us are too self-concious, too conceited, too…egoistic to actually look at the other end of the rainbow and try to find the pot of gold. We’re so focused on competing amongst ourselves for our green grass, but what about the other side? It might seem different, but it’s exactly the same. Being superficially “popular” isn’t what matters. Isn’t it what people think?
Oh, I am good.
I should have joined Sisterhood Club when I had the chance because this post is absolutely amazing. Not really, but whoa. =0
